Archive for the ‘Intuition Coaching’ Category

How to Change Your Negative Self-Talk to Positive Beliefs

Monday, September 6th, 2010


I am often surprised at how unconscious my coaching clients are of their negative self-talk. The first step toward replacing your negative thinking with positive beliefs is to pay close attention to what is going on between your ears.  Monitor your thought content for critical self-statements like, “You idiot!” or “How could you DO that???”  Listen carefully to the words that come out of your mouth.

Notice when you are harsh on yourself and ask gently, “Is that appropriate?”  If your self-criticism habit is firmly entrenched you will probably reply with an emphatic “Yes!”  Then ask yourself how you feel when you treat yourself so meanly.  If you are honest with yourself, you will notice that you feel deflated or discouraged or some other unhappy feeling.

think positive1. Jeannette

Now, gently correct that thought or statement.  Tell yourself, “Just because I did that, doesn’t mean I’m an idiot,” or “It would have been better if I had done that differently, but beating myself up isn’t going to help anything.”

At the beginning, you may need to watch out for beating yourself up for being mean to yourself:  “You idiot!  There you go again!  What’s WRONG with you? You’ll never learn to be kind to yourself!”  Use humor when old habits of negativity reassert themselves:  “Oops!  There you go again!” Or, you could even say something like, “Sweetheart, you do not deserve to treat yourself that way.  Life is too short for such cruelty!”

As you correct your negative thinking begin to replace it with positive beliefs.  If you do something you are unhappy with, ask yourself, “What can I do to fix this?” or “What is the learning here?”  Encourage yourself by affirming that you’ll do better next time.  Over time you will change the habit of negativity to the habit of positive, encouraging thinking.  As you do this, you will empower yourself to act free of the fear of self-castigation should things not turn out exactly as you would like them to.  You will also feel much more confident and self-accepting.  All of which, of course, will help you to achieve your goals and make your good life better.

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.

Posted in Inner Wisdom Coaching, Intuition Coaching, Life Stress Management, Stress Management Coaching, Uncategorized | No Comments »

Endorse Both Your Achievements and Your Strengths

Friday, June 18th, 2010

Endorsing your excellence means both acknowledging your achievements and appreciating your strengths, those character traits that have enabled you to succeed.

Being willing and able to endorse your excellence has a number of benefits. Here are some of them:

1. Familiarity with your own strengths provides awareness of the qualities that can help you to succeed.

When you set a goal for yourself it is important to know those characteristics which have helped you to succeed in the past. If you are aware of your strengths and willing to acknowledge them, you can consciously utilize them to help you achieve your goals in the present.

Your strengths may be diligence or enthusiasm or perseverance or any other character trait that has helped you to succeed in the past. Whatever they are, these strengths will always be available to you. You can draw on these same strengths to achieve your goal in the present, no matter how daunting it may seem.

If you would like to learn more about your own strengths, I highly recommend you visit the website www.authentichappiness.com. There you will find the VIA Signature Strengths Questionnaire which measures 24 character strengths. It takes only about 20 minutes to complete this questionnaire and it is free! You will have a list of your top strengths. Awareness of these strengths will help you answer the question, “How can I ever accomplish THIS???”

2. When you acknowledge your successes you become an expert in what you can do to achieve your goals.

When you recognize what you do that works, you can build on your successes to reach your goals. Pay attention to the tiny winning choices that you make. Notice the differences they make in your life.

Are you more effective when you take a brief break a couple of times a day? Do people react differently when you treat them with greater kindness? When you become an expert on the outcome of your choices, you learn what behaviors work. You become keenly aware of what you need to do more of to succeed. When you are empowered in this way, the choices you make will create your success.

3. Honestly present your excellence to others.

There are certain situations, such as job interviews, where success depends on your being able to affirm the contributions you have made. This is not bragging when done in a matter-of-fact manner.

A simple acknowledgement of your strengths and accomplishments conveys necessary information while projecting the self confidence every employer seeks in a potential hire.

As you practice endorsing your excellence it will become easier. After all, it is natural to feel good about how great you really are!

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Posted in Career Life Coaching, Inner Wisdom Coaching, Intuition Coaching, Life Stress Management, Solution Focused Coaching, Stress Management Coaching, Uncategorized | No Comments »

Replace the Habit of Upset with the Habit of Calm

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

When you are upset about something, it may feel like there’s no way you could calm down.  In fact, there are simple, straightforward techniques you can use to transform upset into calm.  When you do, you’ll deal more effectively with the situation.

Here are the steps you can use to transform upset into calm.

First notice how you feel as you let upset overtake you.  Pay careful attention to the impact of your upset on your body and your mind.

Notice any tightness in your muscles or clenching in your gut.  Be aware of the unpleasant thoughts and feelings aroused by your outrage.  If your criticism is directed at yourself, notice how undermining those attacks on yourself truly are.

Then ask yourself,  “How would I be, if I weren’t reacting this way?”

If you are honest with yourself, you will note that you would be calmer and more peaceful, more comfortable and better able to deal with the situation if you were free of your upset.

From this perspective, you can see that your own upset is as much of a problem as whatever provoked your response.

Really allow yourself to imagine fully how it would feel to remain calm.  Invite the thoughts that would support a calm response, such as “This really isn’t all that important” or “Maybe s/he didn’t do that to hurt me.”

Visualize yourself responding appropriately when frustrated, disappointed or angry.  Then practice the calm you have visualized

As you begin to visualize alternatives to overreacting, you become aware of the choices available to you.  When you feel your upset beginning to arise, take a deep breath and consider your options.  Ask yourself, “Would I rather be upset or calm in this situation?”

Gradually, as you practice new patterns of thought and behavior, you will replace the habit of upset with the habit of calm.

Posted in Career Life Coaching, Inner Wisdom Coaching, Intuition Coaching, Life Stress Management, Solution Focused Coaching, Stress Management Coaching | No Comments »

How to Transform Upset into Calm

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

You can choose to remain calm.

When you get upset about something you may feel like your angry response is inevitable.  In fact, you have a choice.  Choosing to remain calm will help you deal better with the situation.  Here’s how you do it.

First, notice when you start getting upset about something.

Just having a part of yourself that is observing your enraged response, rather than fully participating in it creates a detachment you can work with.

Then ask yourself, “Is what just happened worth getting upset about?”

If you are like most people accustomed to becoming upset when annoyed, your immediate response will be a resounding and heart-felt “Yes!!”

If you take a closer look and are truly honest with yourself, chances are you’ll be able to acknowledge that it’s not that big a deal.  What’s more, though you might wish the situation were different, your getting upset isn’t going to improve anything.  It will only make matters worse.

Pausing to observe your reactions and gently questioning your angry response will give you the time and perspective that will allow you to calm down and respond more effectively.

Posted in Inner Wisdom Coaching, Intuition Coaching, Life Stress Management, Solution Focused Coaching, Stress Management Coaching, Uncategorized | No Comments »

Replace Your Negative Self-talk with Positive Beliefs

Monday, March 8th, 2010

If you believe you can and if you believe you can’t, you’re right.
-Henry Ford

How you think influences the way you act and feel in major ways.  Negative beliefs about yourself hold you back more certainly than external forces can.  You actually have enormous control over what you think.  It’s a matter of turning old habits of negative thinking into new practices of positive beliefs.  Doing this will improve your confidence and empower you to achieve your goals.

Negative beliefs fall into two categories:  self-criticism and worry.

The Problem with Self-criticism:

It doesn’t matter whether self-criticism addresses the past or the present or self-doubt raises concerns about the future.   Negative thinking always undermines you.  Beating yourself up about regrets from the past distracts you from what you need to focus on in the present and brings you down.  Doubt in your abilities saps your energy and confidence and holds you back.  The expectation that you’ll fail inhibits you from attempting new things.  It’s hard to succeed if you are plagued by negative thinking.

It may seem that negative thinking serves a protective function.  Many of us were raised with the notion that criticism is necessary for success.  We believe that focusing on what we do wrong will prevent us from making the same mistakes again.  It can also feel like self-criticism protects us from attacks from others. If we catch what we do wrong first, we may be able to correct it before someone else notices.  If we criticize ourselves aloud, others will know we’re already aware that we’ve done something wrong and may refrain from blaming us.

Of course it’s important to learn from your mistakes and it may be appropriate to acknowledge them to others.  You just don’t need to beat yourself up.  It’s much more effective to calmly notice an error and then focus on what you need to do to correct the problem.

How to Change Your Negative Self-talk to Positive Beliefs:

I am often surprised at how unconscious my coaching clients are of their negative self-talk. The first step toward replacing your negative thinking with positive beliefs is to pay close attention to what is going on between your ears.  Monitor your thought content for critical self-statements like, “You idiot!” or “How could you DO that???”  Listen carefully to the words that come out of your mouth.

Notice when you are harsh on yourself and ask gently, “Is that appropriate?”  If your self-criticism habit is firmly entrenched you will probably reply with an emphatic “Yes!”  Then ask yourself how you feel when you treat yourself so meanly.  If you are honest with yourself, you will notice that you feel deflated or discouraged or some other unhappy feeling.

Now, gently correct that thought or statement.  Tell yourself, “Just because I did that, doesn’t mean I’m an idiot,” or “It would have been better if I had done that differently, but beating myself up isn’t going to help anything.”

At the beginning, you may need to watch out for beating yourself up for being mean to yourself:  “You idiot!  There you go again!  What’s WRONG with you? You’ll never learn to be kind to yourself!”  Use humor when old habits of negativity reassert themselves:  “Oops!  There you go again!” Or, you could even say something like, “Sweetheart, you do not deserve to treat yourself that way.  Life is too short for such cruelty!”

As you correct your negative thinking begin to replace it with positive beliefs.  If you do something you are unhappy with, ask yourself, “What can I do to fix this?” or “What is the learning here?”  Encourage yourself by affirming that you’ll do better next time.  Over time you will change the habit of negativity to the habit of positive, encouraging thinking.  As you do this, you will empower yourself to act free of the fear of self-castigation should things not turn out exactly as you would like them to.  You will also feel much more confident and self-accepting.  All of which, of course, will help you to achieve your goals and make your good life better.

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.

Posted in Intuition Coaching, Life Stress Management | No Comments »

Focus on the Solutions, Not the Problems

Monday, January 4th, 2010

I sometimes begin my coaching sessions with the question, “What is different and better since the last time we met?”

At the outset of our work together, most of my clients declare that there isn’t anything different and better in their lives since our last meeting. Even under pressure from me – “Come on, there must be something!” – they insist that nothing has changed for the better. Then, 17 or 26 minutes or even 49 minutes into the session they mention some small thing they did differently – remaining calm in a difficult situation, or handling a challenge more effectively, or treating themselves or others more kindly . They simply hadn’t noticed it.

We all tend to focus on what isn’t working in our lives. We tend to take what’s going well for granted. After all, it doesn’t need our attention if it’s working fine, so we don’t give it much thought.

It is truly empowering to expand your focus beyond the problems to the small things you do that tend to make things better in your life.

When You Focus on the Solution, You Become Expert in What Works:

When you focus on the problems, you become an expert on your ineffectiveness and unhappiness. Focus on what isn’t working creates discouragement and undermines your confidence and self-esteem. Paying attention to what isn’t working leaves you clueless about what you could be doing differently to transform your situation for the better.

When you switch your focus to your small successes, you become an expert on the choices you make that can improve your life. You are looking here for tiny changes and then noticing the effect these positive choices create.

Think Small:

I suspect that one reason my clients initially have difficulty responding to my ‘different and better’ question is that they are looking for massive change, which rarely occurs. When big changes do happen they’re hard to maintain. Sudden major transformation just doesn’t sustain. It’s too great a departure from the norm, which can feel strange or even scary.

True lasting change occurs in tiny increments practiced over time until they become new habits. Slightly larger successes build on previous wins. Gradually, winning habits of thought and behavior get established and become the new norm.

Life is made of little things. You make thousands of choices throughout the day – choices about how you act or react, choices about how you think or view the circumstances of your life. Most of us are not aware of the choices we make. We just act.

How To Become an Expert on the Solutions:

First identify problem areas in your life that you’d like to change:

• It drives you crazy when your spouse does those same things you’ve been complaining about for years.
• You’d like to shed a few pounds.
• Sometimes you’re late paying your bills because they get lost in those mountains of mail on your dining room table.

The first step toward becoming an expert on the solutions is becoming curious about alternative choices you may never have considered before. Consider what you might do differently to impact on these situations.

You empower yourself when you begin to consider what you could do differently to achieve better outcome:

• You could react more calmly when your spouse does the things that annoy you.
• When you notice yourself going for that midnight snack, you could remind yourself of your weight loss goals and drink a glass of water instead.
• You could sort through the mail right away, throwing away the junk mail and putting your bills in a special place.
The next step is to begin the experiment of putting your alternative choices into practice. On the basis of these experiments you’ll learn what works by noticing the outcome of your new choices, compared with the way things used to be:
• You realize that your day doesn’t need to be ruined just because your spouse did something you don’t like. You might even notice that your spouse becomes friendlier in response to your greater calm, and begins to act more according to your preferences.
• You notice how proud you feel the next morning for making a healthy choice. Over time your weight loss shows you how damaging those late night cookies really were.
• You recognize how much better you feel, secure that you’re not missing a bill and free of mail clutter.

Lasting transformation occurs through the aggregate of these small actions repeated over time. By focusing on the solutions – choices you can make to improve the situation – rather than getting stuck on what isn’t working in your life, you bring about lasting positive change.
By the third or fourth session, my clients become expert at answering the ‘different and better’ question. Then I know that they have shifted their focus from what isn’t working in their lives to what they can do to transform their situation for the better. You, too, can make that transition. When you do, you will achieve your goals and make your good life better.

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.

Posted in Inner Wisdom Coaching, Intuition Coaching, Life Stress Management, Solution Focused Coaching | 2 Comments »